I’ve always heard (and very much enjoyed) the phrase, “revenge is a dish best served cold,” but I also am an avid believer in all things Oprah, and as we all (should) know, Oprah & her peeps are totally against holding onto grudges, because they keep us locked in the past and unable to move forward. But I think if I had a private jet and a private chef and a tall handsome man and 5 adorable dogs my feelings on vengefulness would be a little lighter too.
“An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind,” Mahatma Gandhi exclaimed. But did Gandhi ever get dumped by a guy who cheated on him with just a younger version of himself? Did his sixth grade best friend tell the whole class when he got his period? I have a feeling no, and such acts can’t be totally forgotten, right? As much as I love Queen O, there are times when the ONLY thing that keeps me going, motivated, and on my path to greatness are the thoughts of those I will triumph over in the end. The ones I will prove wrong. Is that bad? Oprah & Chopra would say yes, but I would venture to say that sometimes the only way to power through a cardio session on the hamsterwheel treadmill, or to finish that project you’ve put off for days (months), is to channel your vengeful energy into success…or at least into just getting off the couch to stop watching Dance Moms.
I’m not saying to go egg your enemy’s house or key their car, but rather use your feelings to lace up your gym shoes or open that blank document and get started on YOUR shit. Need some inspiration? Here is a list of some films that will get help you get your (healthy) revenge on… lady revenge.
This thriller stars Jennifer Lopez as an abused housewife in fear of her psycho husband and losing her sweet daughter into his custody. Lopez goes into hiding with help from her besties, learns how to box, & is a general bad ass — all the while still being a good mother and using things like wigs and such to hide her identity. There’s nothing better than the climactic scene when Lopez becomes the cat and hunts her mouse husband inside his own home.
Warning: Will make you want to take kickboxing & give yourself a pixie cut. Just sleep on it, okay?
Saw this movie very late at night & it had me wishing I belonged to one of those 24 hour gyms so I could go kick some ass RIGHT THEN. Zoe Saldana stars as an orphan bent on getting revenge for her family’s deaths. She spends the movie looking hot and hunting down the killers and their associates and the associates of their associates that took her parents.
Warning: Will make you want to call your Mom & Dad and make sure they’re safe. Will make you afraid of sharks if you weren’t already.
KILL BILL, VOL. 1 & 2
This story of revenge is so epic it needed two volumes, and even if you aren’t the biggest Tarantino fan, Uma Thurman’s lack of mercy for the people that killed her husband and left her for dead is beyond satisfying. What’s most interesting about the Kill Bills? Uma’s utmost respect for her enemies as evidenced in her fight scenes with Vivica A. Fox. Remember guys, being vengeful doesn’t mean you have to be a TOTAL bitch.
Warning: Will make you want to take karate, give yourself a nickname and punch through wood. Again, just sleep on it.
EYE FOR AN EYE
The title says it all right? Everyone loves Sally Field as a mother whether in Steel Magnolias, Mrs. Doubtfire, or Brothers & Sisters and in Eye for an Eye, she takes mommy revenge to a whole new level. After a slithery Kiefer Sutherland gets away with the rape and murder of her teenage daughter, Field knowing she can’t rely on the police, takes matters into her own hands. Watching little middle aged Sally beat down the scary Sutherland with her wits, all in the name of her daughter, is nothing short of a miracle.
Warning: Will make you petrified of Kiefer Sutherland, but just remember its acting and he was Jack Bauer. Remember he was Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer.
Another Tarantino film (and I think his very best one), except this time revenge is on Adolf Hitler & his regime from two different angles. We follow the Basterds, a hodge podge group of Jewish soldiers led by a ruthless Brad Pitt who requires no less than 100 Nazi scalps from each of his men, as well as the lovely Shoshanna, yet another vengeful orphan. No mass murder scene has ever been as beautiful as the one in Shoshanna’s movie theater the night of the big premiere and the acting performances are killer, pun intended.
Warning: Will make you want to convert to Judaism or if you’re already Jewish like me, will make you super duper proud & wish this was a true story.
Legally Blonde isn’t like the other films on this list – no violence, guts, or death scenes with sharks, but it does encompass what we all want from revenge at the end of the day, right? Career success, happiness, and a relationship with Luke Wilson. After being dumped, abandoned for Harvard, and shoved aside for a preppy girl, Elle Woods brushes her shoulders off and does what we all have trouble doing – MOVING ON. Instead of wallowing, Elle Woods, one of the greatest female characters ever written, takes charge of her own destiny and wins in the end with the help of her besties, sorority sisters and her womanly intuition.
Warning: Will make you want to be a lawyer. Sleep on it. Will make you want a little dog. Don’t sleep on it, go get one!
What other revenge movies are on your lists? What about revenge songs? Working on a revenge playlist for long jogs.