Awww! 6-year-old Breanna was caught crying in this video, saying she wished she was 25 so she could marry Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt. And when Watt, 23, saw it, he found her via Twitter, met her, and asked her to be his “pretend wife” for the day.
This is reason #647 why I LOVE football players!
Whoever put this tasty little treat together needs to get laid. Like, yesterday.
My friend lives in D.C. and shared this:
What is a “female-oriented steakhouse,” exactly? Any joke I insert here is cliche — Does everything come “on the side?” Are the steaks SUPER carb-free? Are the waiters all hot shirtless men who tell you you’d only be MORE gorgeous if you had a little extra meat on your bones, so go ahead and order that chocolate cake? But this is just the stupidest thing I’ve read in a while. Since when did restaurants become gender-specific (besides Hooters, which is such a raging embodiment of classiness)?
Are you having a really rough time getting someone to marry you before it’s too late to make a baby and you become one of those ladies who dresses her cat up, puts it in a stroller, and takes it hiking and then later, dies alone? Or do you just feel like average men off the street aren’t good enough to match your genetics, and you simply feel in your heart you should only reproduce with a celebrity?
Well, either way, Fame Daddy is the solution to your woes! For $23,680.50, the UK company will let you purchase sperm from one of their 40 “celebrity” donors. While the donors’ identities are a secret, your child can find out who they are when they turn 18 and the options include a former pro soccer player, an actor, a genius, a rock star, and an aristocrat. You can take a quiz here to see who your ideal Fame Daddy is!
I did, and got Ryan Gosling. (*If Ryan Gosling really was a donor, I would totally blow twenty-three grand on this.)
Feeling ashamed because at lunch, the chef came out of the kitchen just to see if you were really capable of eating everything you ordered, then laughed at you and your clean plate? Pissed because no one but you think that Cutter and Beau are badass baby names?
Well, at least you didn’t get naked, climb on a stranger’s roof, run into said stranger’s home, masturbate in the living room, defecate in two different places that are not toilets, then eat the contents of said stranger’s vacuum.
Gregory Matthew Bruni
In North Fort Myers, Florida, carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni, age 21, did all of the above in the home of Tony and LaDonna Land. He’s been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary, and resisting arrest without violence. Well done, sir!
Bitches, it’s time to dip into your life savings or sell your Miata to afford this… Harrod’s is collaborating with designers including Versace, Valentino, and Roberto Cavalli on a line of MODERN DAY DISNEY PRINCESS GOWNS!!!!!!
If there are two things I love in this world, it is one’s search for a soulmate and public displays of full-crazy. You can find both on a daily basis in the Missed Connections section on Craigslist. So here, your daily dose of crazy love – this was posted, for real. You’re welcome!
I gave you a note, written horribly, that said ‘thanks lovely’ and you replied with “just doing my job”. I’m the curly haired, mustache having, young man and your the beautiful gorgeous buttermelt soul with amazing brown hair and smile.
Posting ID: 3569328385
Posted: 2013-01-24, 3:43PM PST
Things I love about this: 1) This is some real life MAID IN MANHATTAN shit, folks! 2) He thinks the line “attack of the blankets is a “witty joke” that is “deeply funny.” OMG, this really IS a romantic comedy, if that’s as funny as the dialogue gets! 3) He is “mustache having,” NOT “the guy with a mustache.” 4) The maid has a “buttermelt” soul. Wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I don’t know about you, but I don’t give a shit about the Super Bowl (aside from the snacks, half-time show, and all the commercials I didn’t book…)
I DO, however, loooooove the Puppy Bowl! It’s airing Feb. 3 @ 3pm ET/PT on Animal Planet. Here are a few pics of the starting line up!
Best thing about the Puppy Bowl? ALL OF THEM ARE AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION!!!!! Excuse me while I start harassing my boyfriend to become parents to one/all of them now…
Brainiacs Lisa Arnold and Christina Campbell (founders of Onely.org) calculated the lifetime cost of being a single, unmarried female… The pricetag? Over one million dollars, in extra fees, penalties, taxes, and discounts not available to those who haven’t committed holy matrimony. That’s right, not only will you be lonely, more likely to be depressed and die younger, and also a disappointment to your parents, yourself, and society; but, you’ll be out $1,000,000! You can read the full article and cost breakdown in their story for the Atlantic here.
The moral of this story? Don’t settle, change the ridiculous marriage laws in this country.